Dream Come True

When I woke up on the morning of May 4, 2011 I had no idea how my life would change in just a few short hours from then.   It has now been 2 months, 10 days, and 20 hours since I picked up our Little M - and boy how different that day has made things.

Little M is a perfect almost 16 month old now.  She has brough joy and a kind of love to my life that I only imagined for the better part of my life.  I wake up in the morning thinking about how I can change her life that day and I go to bed at night wondering if I did enough.  I suppose that is very normal, but for me its all new.  I've always been an emotional person that has worn her heart on her sleeve, but I find myself now being even more that way.  I cry daily - happy tears when she does something that we've taught her and fearful tears when I worry about her. 

Just this morning I found myself crying like a baby as Little M watched wondering what was wrong with me.  I coupled the tears with a smile and words of encouragement for her.  Little M came to us with a small biting issue.  I've never thought the bites were ill intened, but instead something that she did to show frustruation.  Now, however the biting to show frustration has stopped, but she will on occasion bite for what seems to be no reason.  I actually think at times she thinks she is kissing, but uses her teeth too.  Today was one such occasion.  She and I were snuggling on the couch when she, out of the blue, gave my arm a little snip --- IT HURT!  I expressed to her that she hurt me and then I proceeded with what I thought was an all star dramatic performance of "fake tears."  Little M walked away from me and just watched for a minute. Then, without prompting, it happened.  She came back to me, rubbed my arm and gave me a giant apologetic hug.  Remorse, caring and compassion were all shown.  That's when I cried for real.  It was a moment that I will always remember as something that we, Rob and I, have taught her that might shape her life. 

On the other hand I cry about many things that I have no control over too.  For example, Little M has been teething off and on for the better part of her time with us.   This of course leads to changes in appetite, and many meals where she eats very little.  My logical side of my brain (and everyone that I know) tells me this is normal and nothing to worry about, but my emotional side tells me that if she isn't eating well at every meal it must be something that I am doing wrong.  So this is when I cry. 

I don't want to sound like all I do is sit around and cry because these moments are only a small snippit of my joyous days.  If this tells you how much I am enjoying motherhood -  I can say without question that if our finances would allow it (reality has set in and I know that they won't) I would quit my job and be a stay at home mama - and you know how much I love my job! 

With that I must go -  Little M should be waking up from her nap and as I look around I have quite a bit of work to do -  none more important though than spending every blessed minute that we are given with Little M.  .