No complaints

I will enjoy each and every day of the holiday season.  I caught myself today thinking that I wanted to just go home and put my body on my couch and rest.  Then I realized that I had a night of "extras" to do before I could even go home.  When the stress set in I made myself stop right there and realize that everything I am doing I am choosing to do.  Nobody is making me be this busy... I can say no at any time.  Therefore, I decided right then to enjoy each and every moment of this crazy holiday season and promised myself that I wouldn't complain at all about being busy.  Instead I will make mental reminders daily how blessed I am to have so much to do.   I am fortunate to have a job that allows me to do what I love and offers me multiple opportunities to help others.  I am fortunate to have friends that take up my time and invite me to social events.  I am especially fortunate to have a family to spend time with and to love and be loved by.  I am fortunate that my health  allows me to enjoy all of these things. Why... I would be crazy to complain about being busy.  Each moment... each interaction with somebody special in my life will be cherrished and appreciated. It's going to be a great holiday season.  I feel it in my bones. 

My Political Insight

How do I feel about politics?  About politicians?  I think we, the American people, set politicians up to be liars.  If one politician really said in all honesty what he/she was going to be able to do if elected... nobody would vote for them.   This is especially true if the rest of the politicians are busy telling us what we want to hear... giving us all of the promises that we insist on in order to get our vote.  I don't think all politicians are "bad".  In fact, I think that most people who make the decision to run for office enter the race with the best of intentions.  Those intentions get overshadowed by the pressure to get the vote, the pressure to be all things to all people, the pressure to lie in the name of running a campaign.  Sometimes I don't even think that they know they are being dishonest.  They really think they are going to do the things that they are promising.

This makes it difficult for an average American such as myself to know what is the best answer when I vote.  I know what I want from my representatives.  I want intelligent and caring representatives that will make decisions in the best interest of the people.  Here is the vicious cycle though.   Americans are so diverse in our thinking these days that everybody has a different idea of what is the best decisions. This is why politicians don't know what to say and therefore promise much more than they will ever have the power (and probably finances) to give. 

It's a huge responsibiltiy being a politician.  Each and every decision that they make has a direct impact on someone's life.  I pray that those that are elected will recognize that it is an honor to serve the people and will make decisions not only with their head, but also with their hearts.  I pray that they will do all they can to be informed . .  not just by their fellow Republican or Democrat.. but to be informed by the people who will feel the ramifications of their decisions. 

I'm ending tonight by saying that whatever happens I don't have the right to complain this time.  You see, I woke up this morning with all intent of making it to the polls as soon as I was finished at work.  However, I can honestly say that I forgot and didn't remember until I turned my television on later this evening and saw the results scanning across the bottom of the set.  I feel horrible and irresponsible and hope that this never happens again.   --- Do you believe me or is that just what I want you to believe?  :)

Forgiveness

"I'm sorry."  These words seem so simple when we read them.  They even are pretty easy to say.  But to mean them takes some thought and follow up.  It wasn't so long ago that I said something that really hurt another person's feelings.  I didn't set out to do this, but as soon as the words left my mouth, I knew the damage was done.  My immidiate reaction was to apologize... which I did.. but forgiveness hasn't so easily been given to me.  I'm not use to being the center of conflict, so as you can imagine this has weighed heavily on my mind.  So heavily in fact that I spent up to two full weeks continuing to be angry at myself for making this "huge" mistake in the first place.  To say the least I felt crummy.  Now I know that I deserved to feel crummy.  I did a bad thing and it had to come with consequences. However, after about 3 weeks I have finally decided to forgive myself and to realize that this one incident is not what defines me as a person.  How I have lived my life, each and every minute of it, is what defines me.  The good and the bad.  Now I just pray that one day those that I hurt will be able to see that my apoogy was genuine and forgive me too. 

I will use this as a couple of good lessons for myself.  First, I need to be more careful of what I say and how I say it.  Secondly, I need to remember this the next time someone hurts my feelings.   I need to be more forgiving of others mistakes, remember that they are human, and that their one mistake doesn't define them. 

A Kindergarten Kind of Tired

Teaching kindergarten is the absolute perfect place for me.  I am so blessed to love what I do and to have the opportunity to do it at a place I love.  My days are filled with learning, laughter, and yes a few tears (both mine and the students). There is nothing better than seeing that moment when one of my students feels so proud of him/herself that they can't contain it. Well there is one thing better, and that is seeing them get out of control excited when one of their friends does something extra great!

I wish for my kiddos that school could always be a place where their personal best is good enough and accomplishments could always be marked with a smiley face instead of a letter grade.  I wish for them that everyone in their class would always be their friend... because that is just the way it is.  I wish for them that they could always get 5 new tickets so each day could begin with a fresh start.  I wish for them that a hug from their teacher would always make them feel important and loved.  I wish for them that a quick run on the playground and a trip up the monkey bars would always make them feel like the fastest person in the world.

As we know life, we know that these things are not reality... except in a kindergarten room.  Therefore, I wish for them that I can be the best teacher possible.  I pray that I will teach them what they need to know, say the things that they need to hear, make school an encouraging and rewarding place to be, and set an example for them to live their lives by.

As I said earlier kindergarten is the best place for me.  It isn't always easy, but at the end of the day I feel a good kind of  tired.   It's the kind of tired that when I put my head down on my pillow for the night, I feel like I've earned the sleep that's coming.   It's the kind of tired that feels like a made a difference.

Choosing Happiness

I said to someone tonight that I just want everyone to be happy.  Wouldn't that be wonderful? Then I started thinking about what happiness is and realized that it really does mean different thing to different people.  Happiness is the place each person chooses to make or not for themself.  We all have the capasity to feel happy.  Happiness, like being miserable, is a decision that we must make for ourselves each and every moment of each and every day.  I just have a difficult time figuring out why some people don't make the choice to be happy on a regular basis.

Now let me clarify that I am compassionate to peoples' struggles and understand that there are times when beaming happiness isn't appropriate or realistic.  I know that all people, myself included, have their individual trials that alter our emotions, but when looking at the big picture it just makes sense to live with a happy heart.

On this same note I don't understand why some people have such a difficult time being happy for other and their accomplishments.  What a wonderful thing it should be to see others excel.  It doens't make me any less of a person, wife, teacher, daughter, sister, friend, etc.  because someone else does well.  In fact, it would be nice if we could look at those accomplishments as inspiration.

Tonight, I am making it my personal mission to bring a little bit of happiness into each life I touch.  I will be better at enjoying my own life and at lifting others up in theirs.   I'm going to be more aware of looking for the good and squelching negative thoughts; especially before they move from my brain and out my mouth...yes, for those that know me this also includes non-verbal communication.  Happy thoughts to all! 

My husband and our dream

Ok... so I've been wanting to start a blog for a long time.  I want a place to share my thoughts and feelings.  I will however, make sure this is a positive spot for thoughts about my life.  There are too many other places for my negativity to shine.  For my first blog I want to share about the most positive thing in my life, my husband and our dream.  My husband and I have been married for two years and I can say without any hesitation that he is the best thing that ever happened to me.  He makes me laugh, he loves me for me, and without doubt helps me be a better person each and every day.  He's hard working, generous, funny, and gentle.  He's a true giver.  God certainly knew what he was doing when he placed this man in my life.  I always hear people say that marriage is a lot of work (and I know that we've only been married for 2 years).  I have found marriage to be pretty easy.  Yes, there are sacrifices that have to be made, and moments where the amount of patience needed must be pulled from the inner-most part of my being.  But my reality surpasses my dreams about being married.  This man was definatley worth my wait.

Waiting is certainly something that I've become used to in my life.  I waited a long time to start a career that I love, a long time to get married, and now God is once again teaching me about patience and faith.  Being a mother is something that I've always knew was in my future.  If you told me when I was 20 that 20 years from then that I still would be childless I would have told you that you were crazy.  Well the reality is that my husband and I have been trying since we got married to get pregnant without any success.  We've been to the best of the doctors only to leave each visit with me feeling a little less of a woman.  Each time I feel this way, my love looks at me, hugs me, and reassures me that everything will work out the way it is supposed to.    I know I said that I was going to make all of this positive... I promise that is what I'm getting to.  After a final try with a new doctor a couple of weeks ago I have finally let go of the dream of becoming pregnant and carrying a child.  I have not given up on the dream of becoming a mother.  We will adopt a child and we will be parents together.  This child, when we find each other... when the time is right, will be very blessed to have us for parents.  I know that sounds pretty pompus.  This isn't what I mean.  I just know the amount of love that we have to share and know that any child that enters our lives will make our home, that is already full of love, a bit fuller.  I know deep down that the plan has never been for me to get pregnant with our child or it would have happened.  The plan must be something bigger.  We think it is adoption, that is where all of our signs are leading.  We are ready to take the leap of faith and see where we land.